Will I or Won't I?...

I read a lot of information about Alzheimer's. My little Mom is in the middle of it and it's a very difficult process to watch. I often wonder is it genetic? Will I get it? Will I avoid it? The reports seem to conflict on that topic.

This past week was one of those memorable hard weeks. My little Mom is no longer able to travel to her condo in FL due to the frustrating confusion it causes her. My quest, with the help of family, was to distribute her valuables amongst family...kids & grandkids.

I really had no idea how this would feel. This was a first for me. When I stepped into the condo I had a meltdown. My daughter Erin held me while I got it together. I know these are just things that none of us can take with us. But all these things had a memory attached to it. Dinners at the dining room table; naps on the couch; her China we set for Sunday lunch; pictures of her as a girl; pictures of the family before we were all grown up; the bedroom suit I grew up in...and my little Mom's face was in each memory!

My little Mom's first selfie!

I was sad. I saw humor. I was mad at ALZ for taking pieces of my little Mom from us. Alzheimers creates a strange process to grieve sections of a person while they are still alive. I miss those sections of my little Mom. Occasionally she pulls a sassy move and I smile .. "There she is!"

At the end of this "cleaning out the condo" process one central idea kept coming to my heart. I don't know what lies ahead for me. No one does. What I do know is I will love and live my life to make memories with those I love. I will laugh and hug and share with them every chance I get! Today is what I have...it's what we all have. I want to be a conduit of God's Love & Grace. I want to choose joy!

I am thankful for ALL the memories my little Mom created for me. I pray in her confusion God sends her glowing capsules of recognition and delight!

I love you Mom!❤️ Thank you for teaching me how to love my husband and kids.. and showing me Jesus.

ENDALZ✅