Gentle Jesus,
May My little Mom continue to see You in the faces of her family and friends even when our name tags have been removed. May Your Joy and Happiness triumph when confusion stirs up the dust. Let Your Peace reign when clouds of fear rumble by and may Your Light guide her in all the new unknowns.
Thank you Gentle Jesus that you bring My little Mom always to the sight of You...just as she brought me to You as a child. May she always remember how precious she is to all who love her! May she always be dressed in her robe of Dignity and Grace...and never let her go out without putting on her favorite lipstick. "My fans might be waiting for me!"

My little Mom has always been a question asker! In my younger days the questions were, "Are you going to curl your hair?, Where's your lipstick?, Be sure you brushed your teeth! Is Storm coming for supper?" You know, the typical Mom questions for us GRITS girls! (Girls Raised in the South).
She still likes to ask questions. Lately they are the same ones each time we talk. When she's feeling real spunky she starts with the subject of age... My age!

"Angie, how old are you?" This from the woman who never gave a straight answer about her age for as long as I can remember! "Mom, I'm 54." She gasps! "No! You can't be 54! Oh my goodness what does that make me? " We both laugh. "Mom that makes you 87." She smirks. I can tell she doesn't believe me!
The same conversation repeats itself often throughout the day. I don't mind someone forgetting how old I am. It's strangely one of the refreshing topics of conversation!?!
After dinner we are going through the multi-daily questions of: "What's new in your life?", "How are the kids?", "How's your husband?", "Where do you live?", "How long will you be there?", "Are you behaving?" (my favorite one that I always answer 'no'...and she cackles!).
Settling in with our chocolate pudding, relaxing because I'm thinking she's paused the question circuit, she pipes up, "Angie, how old are you?" I slyly with a straight face respond "39". My little Mom crinkles her nose, presses her lips together, and exhales loudly. She then looks me square in the face and says, "No. I'm not sure how old you are, but You're NOT 39!"
I adore these moments!! Alzheimer's has not yet removed her sassiness!
Laughter is a golden sound!!
My sassy little Mom!!
#alzheimersishard #mylittlemomandkatie #questionandanswer

The story of Ruth in the Bible has always been one of my favorites. Here this young woman, after losing her husband, chooses to stay with her mom in law after all the other women pack and leave her alone and destitute. She will be living in a land where she is not welcome; where there will be nothing that works in her favor. Ruth stays because she is convinced in her soul that the God is faithful and is loving her with no exit strategy.
Ruth turns to Naomi and tells her, "Listen, I'm not leaving! I'll go with you wherever you need to go! I'll stay wherever and however long it takes. We are in this together. Your friends will be my friends and your God will be my God!" (my paraphrase).
The story continues with Ruth stepping out in faith to rescue Naomi's future and give her hope. Because of her trust in the one true God, Ruth & Naomi's family get a second chance!
I'm not sure I fully knew what I was getting into with baseball life. I may have had a synopsis of some of the high points, but not the whole picture! There have been good and bad days. Seasons of championships and seasons of uncertainty have both had their turns, but the one true God has never dropped us or wasted a single experience in our lives. The highs and lows are a part of the journey of any life.
What I do know for sure, is that this journey I willingly take with the one I share life with, is worth it! "Hey Storm, I'm not going anywhere! I'm going with you wherever you go--and staying as long as it takes! You're stuck with me big boy! I'm all in! You're my best friend and God has us both in His big gentle hands!! It's all good!"xoxo
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" Phil. 4:13
Sincerely,
Angie
#veteranbaseballwifelife

Is that music? I wake up to the sound of the aging alto voice of my little mom singing! It doesn't catch my attention because it is majestically melodious, but because not a single syllable of one word has been missed! "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh, what a foretaste of glory define! Heir of salvation, purchased of God, born of His Spirit, washed in his blood." Straining to reach the high notes with gusto and joy she finishes with, "This is my story! This is my song! Praising my Savior all the day long; this is my story this is my song! Praising my Savior were all the day long!" What a beautiful sound to hear first thing in the morning!
I go join my little mom and her sweet husband as they finish their devotion time. They both begin quoting by memory Psalm 23. "The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want ... He restores my soul ...yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." I am blown away! I applaud. My little mom smiles!
In the Bible, God talks about His Word being a living thing. Jesus tells us it brings life to dry bones, it feeds our soul, and it never returns empty! It is written on our hearts...a place safe from the invisible memory eraser!
Just a few minutes later, my little mom fed Katie her third breakfast because, "Someone needs to feed the Baby her breakfast!" Katie didn't seem to mind😊!

This was a happy day!  
These two trend setters and trouble makers met when I was just a wee ginger bairn. The years that followed were filled with birthday parties, Christmas Eve's shared as families, and an Annual New Years Eve Party for 100 guests hosted by my little Mom!  
The summer months were spent going to a friends lake home where I'm convinced I accumulated most of my freckles! My little Mom and her buddy Pat were quite (still are) rambunctious!  Pat began to reminisce about the time she was chasing my little Mom by the lake, and Mom quickly (and with agility) turned and caught her and rolled her in the sand!  Pat and I were laughing so hard! I had tears coming down my cheeks remembering these fun ladies and my growing up years! My little Mom looked at the two of us very smugly and seemed totally convinced we were off our rockers. "And you say I'm the one with the memory problem", she quips, "I would NEVER do such a thing!" Those blue eyes of her twinkled with a very familiar mischief!  
I see you my little Mom!

Thank you Jesus for the glimpse!

My little Mom loves the trees, flowers, and the birds that come to the feeders by her back porch!  But she especially loves Katie (Leonora's Katie) the long haired Chihuahua!  This is a dog who has become like my little sister! :) When the rest of the day isn't making sense and the memory circuit is out of synch--It's Katie to the rescue!  Animals have a sense of purpose for their humans. Katie adores my little Mom! She can bring her back to the present and put a smile on her face pronto! She loves to snuggle and go on car rides. My little Mom gives Katie quite a lot of attention and affection, too. I can see her comfort level increase when Katie is in her lap. It appears that Katie makes sense all the time!

My little Mom & Katie:

ALZ

Her frustration. The agony. The reality of swirling puzzle pieces. The loss of control. The momentary glimmer of connection and relation. The eraser appears to clean the slate. Intuitive thoughts clashing with emotional crossed wires. A rush of tears of frustration feeling like an idiot and so ashamed and embarrassed.  The desire to connect the dots with what the eyes see vs with the warped location sensors detect. Watch out here comes the eraser again. This is the description of the 2 minutes of when the info light illuminates and then flickers off. The questions of "how do you know these people?" And "these people" are my kids and she's blown away that I'm related; missing the point that I'm their mom and her daughter. This goes on in some capacity for 3 hours until she grabs my leg and says," you're my Angie!" Tears are falling down her face. "Where have you been all my life!"  All I know to do is fold this tiny woman into my arms and hold her as she sobs. The confusion and frustration in her soul is palpable. I tell her she is beautiful and smart and she will always be my mom. " I love you dearly!"  I tell her that it doesn't matter to me what she remembers or forgets because I know her, and I will forever be her daughter... Snuggling the 85 yr old mom who bandaged my boo boos and taught me about Jesus continues until a breeze of peace washes over her beautiful aged face.  Now it's time for chocolate pudding and bed!  And maybe just a little more crying for my aching heart and the unknown that is to come for my little mom...be gentle Lord Jesus. Amen. 

My little Mom: The Dinner Waltz

One of the original "I do it myself" women is my little Mom. Today it was so evident in her need to be in control in the kitchen. She gets very frustrated trying to cook these days. She used to cook for 200 every New Years Eve and multiple occasions throughout the year!  She loved to entertain!  These days to make anything is a chore. 

 Her control panel is operating with faulty wiring but that doesn't stop her full throttle initiative!  I, too, have the same take charge dance steps that I learned from "you know who!"  This evening as we fixed dinner "together" her desire to take the lead got the best of her for a moment and my "young Angie" resurrected with a smart remark. I immediately recoiled from myself.. "Ugh, not a good call Angie!" Breathe! 

 I was there to help her. But the help she needed at that time was to equip her to take the lead in this waltz!  Counting plates, forks, napkins, and cups; putting things in the oven; taking hot things to the table; test tasting interesting "ideas"; telling her how much was needed; pouring the tea...this was the help she needed tonight.  My little Mom led the charge for a wonderful dinner tonight!  She looked quite proud of herself!  She felt valued! 

Our waltz was a blend of swing dancing and break dancing, but it was ours! My little Mom and I are in a new phase of life making beautiful sassy moments of time!  #mylittlemom #memories #alzheimersishard #valueher #loveher